Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
