C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
