I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will pee on everything he values.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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