I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
