Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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