Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
