Can Purell be used as lube?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
