I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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