I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
