your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
