He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
