She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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