Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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