it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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