So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
