i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
