Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
