I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
