Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So apparently I’m into choking now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
