I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm passing your future prison.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
