Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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