That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
