i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
