just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never joke about your clitoris.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
