Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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