Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
