Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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