So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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