half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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