At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
