Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
