True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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