Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
