What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
