I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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