Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
