Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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