oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
