ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
