Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
