She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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