Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
