I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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