last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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