I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
