is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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