dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
