I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
