You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
