would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
