yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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