It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
