My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
