...so i touched it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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